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Two and a Half Men

CBS · 2003–2015 · Ended · Comedy · Family · ★ 6.7/10

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

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Two and a Half Men episode guide

Season 1 · 24 episodes · Sep 22, 2003 – May 24, 2004
  1. Pilot
  2. Big Flappy Bastards
  3. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
  4. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
  5. The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
  6. Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
  7. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
  8. Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
  9. Phase One, Complete
  10. Merry Thanksgiving
  11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
  12. Camel Filters + Pheromones
  13. Sarah Like Puny Alan
  14. I Can't Afford Hyenas
  15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)
  16. That Was Saliva, Alan (2)
  17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
  18. An Old Flame with a New Wick
  19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
  20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
  21. No Sniffing, No Wowing
  22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
  23. Just Like Buffalo
  24. Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2 · 24 episodes · Sep 20, 2004 – May 23, 2005
  1. Back Off, Mary Poppins
  2. Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
  3. A Bag Full of Jawea
  4. Go Get Mommy's Bra
  5. Bad News from the Clinic?
  6. The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
  7. A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
  8. Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
  9. Yes, Monsignor
  10. The Salmon Under My Sweater
  11. Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
  12. A Lung Full of Alan
  13. Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow
  14. Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts
  15. Smell the Umbrella Stand
  16. Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
  17. Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
  18. It was 'Mame,' Mom
  19. A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
  20. I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
  21. A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
  22. That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
  23. Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
  24. Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3 · 24 episodes · Sep 19, 2005 – May 22, 2006
  1. Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
  2. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
  3. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
  4. Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
  5. We Called It Mr. Pinky
  6. Hi, Mr. Horned One
  7. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
  8. That Voodoo That I Do Do
  9. Madame and Her Special Friend
  10. Something Salted and Twisted
  11. Santa's Village of the Damned
  12. That Special Tug
  13. Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
  14. Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
  15. My Tongue Is Meat
  16. Ergo, the Booty Call
  17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
  18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler
  19. Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
  20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
  21. And the Plot Moistens
  22. Just Once with Aunt Sophie
  23. Arguments for the Quickie
  24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4 · 24 episodes · Sep 18, 2006 – May 14, 2007
  1. Working for Caligula
  2. Who's Vod Kanockers?
  3. The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
  4. A Pot Smoking Monkey
  5. A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
  6. Apologies for the Frivolity
  7. Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
  8. Release the Dogs
  9. Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
  10. Kissing Abraham Lincoln
  11. Walnuts and Demerol
  12. Castrating Sheep in Montana
  13. Don't Worry, Speed Racer
  14. That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
  15. My Damn Stalker
  16. Young People Have Phlegm Too
  17. I Merely Slept with a Commie
  18. It Never Rains in Hooterville
  19. Smooth As a Ken Doll
  20. Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
  21. Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
  22. Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
  23. Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
  24. Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5 · 19 episodes · Sep 24, 2007 – May 19, 2008
  1. Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
  2. Media Room Slash Dungeon
  3. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
  4. City of Great Racks
  5. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
  6. Help Daddy Find His Toenail
  7. Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
  8. Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
  9. Tight's Good
  10. Kinda Like Necrophilia
  11. Meander to Your Dander
  12. A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
  13. The Soil Is Moist
  14. Winky-Dink Time
  15. Rough Night in Hump Junction
  16. Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
  17. Fish in a Drawer
  18. If My Hole Could Talk
  19. Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6 · 24 episodes · Sep 22, 2008 – May 18, 2009
  1. Taterhead Is Our Love Child
  2. Pie Hole, Herb
  3. Damn You, Eggs Benedict
  4. The Flavin' and the Mavin'
  5. A Jock Strap in Hell
  6. It's Always Nazi Week
  7. Best H.O. Money Can Buy
  8. Pinocchio's Mouth
  9. The Mooch at the Boo
  10. He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
  11. The Devil's Lube
  12. Thank God for Scoliosis
  13. I Think You Offended Don
  14. David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
  15. I'd Like to Start with the Cat
  16. She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
  17. The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
  18. My Son's Enormous Head
  19. The Two Finger Rule
  20. Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
  21. Above Exalted Cyclops
  22. Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
  23. Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
  24. Baseball with Better Steroids
Season 7 · 22 episodes · Sep 21, 2009 – May 24, 2010
  1. 818-jklpuzo
  2. Whipped Unto the Third Generation
  3. Mmm, Fish. Yum.
  4. Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
  5. For the Sake of the Child
  6. Give Me Your Thumb
  7. Untainted by Filth
  8. Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
  9. Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
  10. That's Why They Call It Ball Room
  11. Warning, It's Dirty
  12. Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
  13. Yay, No Polyps!
  14. Crude and Uncalled For
  15. Aye, Aye, Captain
  16. Tinkle Like a Princess
  17. I Found Your Moustache
  18. Ixnay on the Oggie Day
  19. Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
  20. I Called Him Magoo
  21. Gumby with a Pokey
  22. This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8 · 16 episodes · Sep 20, 2010 – Feb 14, 2011
  1. Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
  2. A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
  3. A Pudding-Filled Cactus
  4. Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
  5. The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
  6. Twanging Your Magic Clanger
  7. The Crazy Bitch Gazette
  8. Springtime on a Stick
  9. A Good Time in Central Africa
  10. Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
  11. Dead from the Waist Down
  12. Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
  13. Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
  14. Lookin' for Japanese Subs
  15. Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
  16. That Darn Priest
Season 9 · 24 episodes · Sep 19, 2011 – May 14, 2012
  1. Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
  2. People Who Love Peepholes
  3. Big Girls Don't Throw Food
  4. Nine Magic Fingers
  5. A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
  6. The Squat and the Hover
  7. Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
  8. Thank You for the Intercourse
  9. Frodo's Headshots
  10. A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
  11. What a Lovely Landing Strip
  12. One False Move, Zimbabwe!
  13. Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
  14. A Possum on Chemo
  15. The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
  16. Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
  17. Not in My Mouth!
  18. The War Against Gingivitis
  19. Palmdale, Ech
  20. Grandma's Pie
  21. Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
  22. Why We Gave Up Women
  23. The Straw in My Donut Hole
  24. Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10 · 23 episodes · Sep 27, 2012 – May 9, 2013
  1. I Changed My Mind About the Milk
  2. A Big Bag of Dog
  3. Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
  4. You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
  5. That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
  6. Ferrets, Attack!
  7. Avoid the Chinese Mustard
  8. Something My Gynecologist Said
  9. I Scream When I Pee
  10. One Nut Johnson
  11. Give Santa a Tail-Hole
  12. Welcome to Alancrest
  13. Grab a Feather and Get in Line
  14. Run, Steven Staven! Run!
  15. Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
  16. Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
  17. Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
  18. The 9:04 from Pemberton
  19. Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
  20. Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
  21. Another Night with Neil Diamond
  22. My Bodacious Vidalia
  23. Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
Season 11 · 22 episodes · Sep 26, 2013 – May 8, 2014
  1. Nangnangnangnang
  2. I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
  3. This Unblessed Biscuit
  4. Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
  5. Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
  6. Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
  7. Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
  8. Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
  9. Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
  10. On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
  11. Tazed in the Lady Nuts
  12. Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
  13. Bite Me, Supreme Court
  14. Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
  15. Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
  16. How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
  17. Welcome Home, Jake
  18. West Side Story
  19. Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
  20. Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
  21. Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
  22. Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Season 12 · 16 episodes · Oct 30, 2014 – Feb 19, 2015
  1. The Ol' Mexican Spinach
  2. A Chic Bar in Ibiza
  3. Glamping in a Yurt
  4. Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
  5. Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
  6. Alan Shot a Little Girl
  7. Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
  8. Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey
  9. Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
  10. Here I Come, Pants!
  11. For Whom the Booty Calls
  12. A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
  13. Boompa Loved His Hookers
  14. Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
  15. Of Course He's Dead - Part One
  16. Of Course He's Dead - Part Two

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